What It’s Like For Me Here. For Anyone Who Cares.

I live in a group home for people who have absolutely no other options for shelter.

There are 4 other women and 4 men here, and all of them have mental health and substance abuse issues.  Most have also done time.  I’m the youngest, healthiest, most attractive woman here.  GOD only lets Me bathe about once a week and keeps Me living in rags no thrift store would want so I’m the dirtiest and worst-dressed one here.  This keeps Me safe from unwanted attention, especially sexual advances, and helps everyone here love themselves.  They can say, “At least I’m clean and dressed better than Satina!”  Indeed.  Everyone is.

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Despite My intentional repulsiveness, I’ve had both women and men touch Me inappropriately or make sexual advances, and I’ve also had food stolen when I barely had enough for Myself.  But GOD resolved these issues by removing these people from the house, and when they left, they all left Me food, so I ended up prospering due to their violations of Me just when I needed it.

When I moved in over a year ago, the house was overcome by demons and constant conflict, and we had problems with bloody walls and vomit-covered bathrooms.  Now the house lives in peace and is clean.  Everyone here has problems with the demons using them against Me, but right now, everyone is at peace with Me.  It’s impossible to hate Me, of course, but the demons do their best to turn people against Me frequently, and people try to start shit with Me from time to time for no reason.  I always respond with love and forgiveness, which resolves the issues.  Grace wins.  GOD fights on My behalf all the time.

Everyone here smokes cigarettes or vapes except Me, and they often go out on the back porch together.  I never join them.  I just live in My room all the time except when I come out to quickly nuke a meal to eat in My room.  I don’t like leaving My room because I never know when the demons are going to use one of the broken humans here against Me.  They’re all broken Angels, by the way.  Blades.  Some of them from The Bible.  I think some of them are The Shepherds, and one of them is the man I told to pick up his mat and walk, but he’s a woman this time.

My neighbor is Martha from The Bible, and she’s the best neighbor I could ask for.  She feels the same about Me most of the time, except when the demons get hold of her.  The bathroom is between our rooms, which is great for convenience and keeps us from hearing each other. 4 of us share it, including 2 men.  It’s very small, and the tub is too small for Me to get comfortable in at all, so I just shower.  Once a week.  I HATE THAT.  I’m often so dirty I actually smell bad.  I really, really hate that.  But I can’t even take a piss until SHE gives Me permission.  This is NOT My Body.  And SHE keeps it DIRTY most of the time. And I’ve worn the same half-dozen T-shirts for 3 years now, and for several days at a time, so they’re permanently smelly and stained.  And I’ve outgrown My one pair of jeans that still fit, so I live in 4 pairs of pajama or yoga pants and a pair of capris, which I also sleep in.  I’m not allowed to change My clothes for about 4 days at a time.

SHE did the same thing at My mom’s to keep My mom from seeing Me as employable most of the time, but when I made My videos for you in June 2017, Russy, SHE let Me get prettied up, and that’s what got Me attacked by My mother.

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She saw Me leaving the house looking like that and kicked Me out because I wouldn’t get on anti-psychotics and use all this potential for something other than writing The New Bible.  The song, “Psychiatrist” in Forgetting Sarah Marshall tells the story of that attack absolutely perfectly.

The house has a poor venting system, and GOD has Me keep My vent closed all the time so people won’t hear Me talking to HER, so it’s often very cold in here in the winter.  Then it will all of a sudden get very warm.  And then get cold again.  We aren’t allowed to control the temperature, and it’s set low to save money.  The air is dirty due to the poor venting system, so I often wake up with a sore, clogged throat.  My room is at the front of the house and has a big window, but as I said, it’s far too cold to open the blinds, so they stay shut all the time in the winter.  I hang up twinkle lights to compensate for the lack of light.

I have enough Disability money left over after I pay My $510 rent to have groceries delivered by Albertson’s and get pizza a couple of times a month, plus I get $48 in food benefits and $53 (I think) in cash benefits.  I use a church-sponsored shuttle for disabled people to go shopping with that each month.  That’s how I shop now that My van is broken down.  I don’t go anywhere else now that the weather is bad, but when it was nice, I used to walk to a nearby convenience store a couple of times a month and buy beverages and chips.

I have cable and Internet, and I have an old CRT TV in the room, but the remote doesn’t work except to change channels, and I’m not allowed to watch TV anymore now that The Voice is over.  That’s all I’ve been allowed to watch for months.  I bought a used Wii and a Mario Kart game last month, but it won’t work on this TV, so I guess I’m supposed to bring it to our ENCOUNTER, Russy.  So I won’t show up empty-handed.

I also have that blanket you’re supposed to end up in.  It has X’s and O’s on it.  It’s a love blanket.  I bought it last year on sale for Valentine’s Day for around $18.  So I’ll bring that, too. I sleep with it every night.  I often wear fingerless gloves to keep My Hands warm.  I got gloves from the Dollar Store and cut the fingertips off when My Hands kept getting cold last year.

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I have a few other gifts for you, Russy, but I’ll leave those as surprises.

GOD had Me put makeup on last month and this month to take those pictures, but before that, I rarely wore any.  Both because I’m trying to be repulsive, and because I usually cry it off within minutes of putting it on.

I cry a lot.  It’s My Job.  It’s My Name.  Satina Marie means God Crying.

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And I have a LOT to cry about.  I’ve lost EVERYONE and given up EVERYTHING to bring this TRUTH to you, and like I said, I live in a psychospiritual Torture Cell getting mindraped regularly.  GOD says I’d be dead over 75 times if I was human and allowed to die.

I guess that’s it.  I wonder if anyone cares.  They will someday.  That’s all I know for sure.  I lost a Follower today.  Wow is that retard gonna be sorry when they realize who they unsubscribed from.

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Whatever.

~Satina

 

 

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